Numbers 23:12 “Must I not speak what the Lord puts in my mouth?”

Acts 4:20 “For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.” 

You must present as the Lord’s portion the best and holiest part of everything given to you.

Jeremy prayed the most beautiful prayer tonight: 

“Dear God, thank you for today, for mommy and daddy, for Uncle Carson, and Uncle Alex, and for church, and pray that when I grow up, I be a drummer. Amen!”

¹ And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. ² In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. ³ For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability.

Wow! They gave as much as they were able and even beyond their ability…how difficult I make it when I given only a small portion… what a resounding contrast!

Entirely on their own, ⁴ they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people. ⁵ And they exceeded our expectations: They gave themselves first of all to the Lord, and then by the will of God also to us. ⁶ So we urged Titus, just as he had earlier made a beginning, to bring also to completion this act of grace on your part. ⁷ But since you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in the love we have kindled in you^[a]—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.

 ⁸ I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. ⁹ For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.

 ¹⁰ And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. ¹¹ Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. ¹² For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have.

 ¹³ Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. ¹⁴ At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality, ¹⁵ as it is written: “The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little.”

I spent over an hour last night looking for a song. I only vaguely recalled the melody in my head, and I thought it was by Third Day. I looked through each of their album, glancing at the song titles, knowing that if it was the right song, the title would surely trigger something in my mind. After an hour, no luck. I gave up. It was not completely wasted though, that hour, it was a pleasant experience down memory lane of Christian songs that have come and gone. Songs once popular that were played the crap out of during worship.

This morning, I suddenly realized that it’s not by Third Day. It’s actually by Audio Adrenaline. So tonight, within a few seconds of searching, I found the song. Ocean Floor by Audio Adrenaline.

How easy it is to find what you’re looking for when you know what to search for.

Many times we look for things to fulfill us and we try to find it in various ways: boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends. And we don’t find the fulfillment we seek because we were never really looking for just ‘fulfillment,’ we were looking for something that satisfies every fiber in our body, that makes us feel complete and whole, something that gives us purpose, that makes sense of our being…. And we can’t find that in friends. We find that in Jesus. 

I need to find my happy place again.

I was reading an interview with Bobbi Brown, the founder/president of Bobbi Brown makeup company. She was talking about the interviewing process, and talks about the two important questions she asks all candidates. 

1) Why do you want to work here?
2) What do you love

And for some reason, it stuck and it got me thinking. In a way, they’re very commonly asked interview questions, and yet they’re to reveal great truths. (when thought about honestly & not just to give most elaborate bullshit answer)

After some thinking, it’s still hard for me to formulate answers. And so I’ve kept these questions around for some time now, to help me formulate what it is I want in life.

So tough! The trials of single parenting have been highlighted this week as Jeremy’s been more rebellious and naughty, as he’s refusing to eat more often than not, as I have to work overtime this week and rely on other people to ‘mother’ and ‘father,’ as I have to help prepare for an upcoming retreat. 

While a big part of me believes that strict disciplining at such a young age (1.5 years old) is unnecessary, I struggle with where the line is drawn. I want to raise him up well, I do not want to spoil him, and yet how do I show him love and be strict? If I had to choose one or the other, I would rather Jeremy feel loved and cared for than for him to feel like he knows what is wrong and what is right. 

God, I am struggling tonight. I’m struggling with how to parent Jeremy at this age. I can’t reason with him. I don’t know if hitting is the right thing to do, I don’t know when the love becomes spoiling. Will you help? 

Let me be sure in my convictions and my intuition as a mother. Let me not be affected with how others parent, what works for other children. 

And on a completely unrelated note, I want to create a new adventure for Jeremy and I.